


icarus

by moonatoms



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, imagery my one true love, post season 5a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26269981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonatoms/pseuds/moonatoms
Summary: Standing on his balcony underneath the dark night sky Chloe thinks of Icarus and how his wings melted, how he burned because he got too close to the sun, because he wanted too much.-A companion piece, of sorts, to Season 5a.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 18
Kudos: 141





	icarus

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything
> 
> Thank you so much to [BurningUpASunJustToSayHello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningUpASunJustToSayHello) for reading over this!

There is a gust of wind and then he’s gone.

Standing on his balcony underneath the dark night sky Chloe thinks of Icarus and how his wings melted, how he burned because he got too close to the sun, because he wanted too much.

_He was Your favourite son_ , she thinks and doesn’t try to hold back her tears. _He lit the stars and brought the light. And I didn’t want too much. I didn’t want him to be my sun. I only wanted to love him._

There are no stars in the sky, just dark, unmoving clouds. The next day it rains and there is no sun. It shouldn’t, _doesn’t_ mean anything.

Chloe doesn’t look up, doesn’t look down. Picks herself up, skin and bones and melted wax. Stares, walks straight ahead. On and on and on.

-

He’s back, but it’s not him. His eyes are too dark. He smiles, but there is too much malice in it. The cadence of his voice is too sharp. The lines of his body are too angular.

He’s back, but it’s not him and she proves it, over and over until finally, it really is him.

_All I wanted was for him to come back to me_ , she thinks bitterly. _But not like this. Not like this._

_Is this my punishment,_ she thinks _. I know You gave him back to me. I know I’m not supposed to want. But this? Am I even myself at all?_

She’s a miracle, created just for him.

_It wasn’t real_ , she thinks and this time doesn’t cry. _None of it was._

She thinks of his smile, the one that reaches his eyes, thinks of the warmth of his embrace, the press of his lips against hers. The way he holds her, touches her, looks at her, like she’s his sun and maybe he, too, was Icarus. Maybe he, too, wanted too much. Maybe he too flew too close to the sun.

He fell before, his wings burned but they didn’t melt. He almost drowned, _almost_ , but then he didn’t.

_None of it was real_ , she thinks and tries not to remember, the weight of his hands on her cheek, the sound of his voice, the way his body perfectly aligns with hers when he wraps her up in his arms, the feel of his laughter rumbling through her. How it always feels like home.

-

  
  


Before her, he stands stripped of his glamour. She’s the only one who sees him. 

He’s a rock in the sea, surrounded by vast, wild waves. Unreachable to anyone standing on the shores. Hiding behind words and jokes and the rigid angles of his face. Allowing only small glimpses, like flickering sunlight dancing over water, of what lies below.

Afraid of what they will see and what they won’t. 

He guards himself closely, even with her. He’s burned, fallen. But he’s given the walls he’s built around himself a shape and ever so slowly, he’s letting her knock them down, brick by brick.

“If you choose to be vulnerable around me, then I choose to be vulnerable around you,” she tells him and means it.

_I’m not Icarus_ , she thinks. _He’s not the sun and I didn’t fly too close to him because I wanted too much. I flew too close to him because I love him and he deserves to be loved._

_This is not my fate. I won’t melt. I’m not afraid. I only want to love him, to see him for who he is. I just want him._

He looks at her so open, so vulnerable, so radiant and he’s beautiful like this. He’s so, so beautiful. 

His kiss is fire, his kiss is the sun. Under his fingertips she flies and burns and burns but she doesn’t fall. She doesn’t fall.

After, she kisses his eyelids, his cheek, his lips. After, he wraps his arms around her and holds her tight, until there is no space between them. After, she rests her head on his sternum, as close to his heart as she can get. 

-

She wakes to darkness and a feeling of warmth and peace that’s settled deep inside her bones.

She looks down to where Lucifer’s head is pillowed on her chest, his hands curled around her waist. The lines of his face have softened in his sleep, his body completely slack, pressing her comfortingly into the mattress. 

_Look at him_ , she thinks. _He was Your favourite son. No, really, look at him, look at how much he’s grown. Look at who he has become. You should be proud._

Carding her fingers through his hair, she presses a soft kiss to his temple. He sighs in his sleep, burrows further into her as if she was the sky and he wants to disappear in the web of her stars. 

_Yes, he’s rebelled and he’s paid the price for it,_ she thinks. _But all he ever wanted was to be. And he’s infuriating and stubborn and annoying but he’s also kind and loving and loyal and a good man. All he ever wanted was to be free, and loved. And You need to forgive him. Because he’s ready to forgive You._

-

Later she sits on the cold floor in the abandoned zoo Michael is holding her captive in. 

_What are You trying to prove to me? To him?_ she thinks, feels the anger rise in her throat. _He’ll find me. I know he will. I won’t give up, and neither will he._

_Burn my wings. Melt my wax. I’ll rebuild them every time. I’ve waited too long, and so has he._

_He’s Your son. He’s Your son and I love him and I know You love him, too._

Michael’s voice is cold and taunting when he comes back, his words slice like knives. She stands taller, doesn’t let him see her fear. Waits until he’s gone before letting herself scream, a mix of anger and agony both. 

_He loves me, I do believe in that,_ she thinks, hands curled tightly by her sides. _But if this is not what he wants, I won’t hold him, I won’t be his sun, I won’t make him fall and burn his wings. I won’t take his choice away from him. I won’t bind him to me._

_I’m not You,_ she thinks. _What is it You want? Do You even know? You know everything, but do You really know him? Do You really understand? This, us, Your creation?_

_What is it You want? Who do You want to be? Because You have to decide. You’ve let this go on for too long and You’ve done nothing. You can’t be everything and nothing. You have to decide._

_I resented You, I resented You for so long because of what You did to him. You’re his father. You’re supposed to love him unconditionally._

Closing her eyes, she leans her head against the cold metal bars.

_You have the chance to make it right_ , she thinks, hopes. 

-

Her head is swimming and she needs to know.

He’s vulnerable around her and he’s not. She has his mojo and she doesn’t. He lets her in and shuts her out. 

She knows she’s let Michael get in her head. She knows all of this this, emotions, words, talking openly, is difficult for him and she doesn’t want to push him if he’s not ready. But she needs to know. Needs to know if he’ll ever be. If he sees her, feels about her, the same way she does about him.

So she asks him, tears blurring the edges of her vision. When it finally clears, he’s gone.

She blinks, inhales sharply. Tries not to let herself get swallowed by the fear that’s rising up in her throat.

_Did he choose to leave or was this Your doing?_

  
  


  
\- 

It’s hours before he comes back, knocking on her door instead of letting himself in as usual. She'd been pacing the length of her kitchen and living room, trying to piece it all together, trying to understand.

He stands tall and rigid in her doorway when she opens it, but when she wraps her arms around him he sinks into her embrace, his hands buried in her hair.

“My father came to see me,” he says finally, voice filled with something akin to hope and awe. “We...we talked.”

Surprise washes over her like warm water and she raises her head slowly towards the sky.

And then she kisses him, long and languid and pulls him inside. 

The sun is already setting, but it’s still visible above the horizon, bright and beautiful and endless. It won’t burn them, won’t make them fall, won’t let them drown and she knows that. They are not Icarus, their wings aren’t made from wax and they aren’t flying too high, too close. 

Maybe their laced fingers don’t fit like missing puzzle pieces. Maybe sometimes she pushes too hard and he pulls back too much and maybe sometimes the silence between them is entirely too heavy.

But it’s okay, because they never wanted too much. They never wanted to be each other’s sun, or the moon or the stars. They never wanted everything, only what they could hold in their hearts. 

They only wanted the comforting weight of a touch, a real smile, the feeling of knowing, of being able to decide who they want to be. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I will be back to not posting any new stories for over a year in no time. Apparently Lucifer being released right when I went on a two week break from work means I actually have time and inspiration to write.  
> Anyway, if anyone wants to chat about the new season (or anything else), come say [hi](https://moonatoms.tumblr.com/)!


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